How and Why Anxiety Manifests as Irritability or Anger

My clinical training taught me the textbook version of anxiety. Worry, fear, and physical symptoms were top of the list. But it never addressed the other side of anxiety. We never learned that anxiety can show up as irritability and even anger.

What I’ve learned since grad schools is when the nervous system holds too much for too long, the smallest thing can feel like the last straw. While this reaction sounds more like anger than anxiety, in reality it comes from the same place. Did you know that stress is basis for many physical illnesses and mental health issues? When stress builds and cannot move through, the body begins to hold tension. Staying composed in an unfair or toxic situation can buildup emotion. That emotion often includes fear, and it sends the signal that something is wrong. When the body detects a threat but the brain signals a freeze or pause response, the body repares to endure distress rather than escape it. It creates a mix of fear and irritability.

Here’s the thing, irritability is not something to fix or hide. It is a cue. It signals that anxiety has reached its edge and needs space to be understood in a new way.

What if your body expresses irritability and anger to help you notice needs that have gone unseen or unmet? Sure, you can work nonstop to meet every deadline and deliver near-perfect results. You show up. You follow through. You are the team player, the high achiever, the one people count on. But you also struggle to say no. You put others first. You carry more than most people realize. And at some point, the pressure has to go somewhere.

No one can carry everything without it showing up somewhere. The body will always find a way to speak. That might come through sleep issues, irritability, low energy, or a sense that you are always white knuckling it.

When you slow down enough, you will start to notice. Ask yourself simple questions. Do I feel overwhelmed? Do I feel dismissed? It may also help to talk to someone. Therapy can help you notice patterns, build awareness, and allow you to slow down and focus.

Just remember that irritability is not a flaw. It is a signal. It tells you that your system has carried too much without real support. If you think about it, we all deserve to feel supported and safe.

Ready to feel more like yourself again?
If this resonated with you, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can create space for everything you do and help you move through it with more clarity, calm, and care.

Reclaim Your Life by Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

I grew up in a home that celebrated differences. Food was the heart of our connection. My mother, a feminist and highly educated woman with a deep appreciation for spirituality, history, and culture, played a central role in these gatherings. Yet, she never questioned her role in the family.

Every weekend, she prepared lavish dishes served on gorgeous china with polished silverware. She refused help, often standing in the kitchen with her homemade carrot cake in hand. Years later, she admitted that she was raised to see food as her way of caring for the family. For her, being the family matriarch meant creating togetherness through these traditions.

Some might say she was a victim of societal expectations, shaped by the patriarchy, and unknowingly driven by people-pleasing. But the truth is, none of us are exempt from the pull of tradition.

Whether it’s a Monday morning Starbucks run, a weekly call to parents, or a Thanksgiving turkey dinner, these rituals can bring meaning and joy. But if they’re motivated by fear, competition, or the need for acceptance, they can become acts of people-pleasing rather than authentic connection.

What Is People-Pleasing?

At its core, people-pleasing is a pattern of putting others’ needs above your own to gain approval, avoid conflict, or feel valued. While this behavior can foster connection, it often comes at the expense of your own well-being.

When I work with clients, we often explore how their relationships with food, culture, and values shape their interactions. While these elements can enrich relationships, they can also create frustration when personal boundaries are unclear. People-pleasing doesn’t always look like saying “yes” to everything. Sometimes, it shows up as avoiding conflict, overcommitting, or feeling obligated to meet others’ expectations—even at your own expense.

Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

The solution to people-pleasing isn’t as simple as saying “no” more often. It starts with recalibrating how you show up in relationships and asking deeper questions about what truly matters to you.

I encourage my clients to pause and reflect with simple questions like, “Do I like what I’m doing?” This moment of self-awareness often reveals whether their actions align with their values or are rooted in obligation. Reframing the internal dialogue from, “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s wrong with this situation?” can shift the entire context. This creates space for objectivity, new options, and a clearer path forward.

Slowing down is another essential step. Rushing through decisions often leads to automatic “yes” responses. By creating space to pause, you can make deliberate choices that feel authentic rather than reactive. This pause also allows you to reconnect with your own preferences—asking yourself, “What is pleasing to me?”

Therapy can also provide a supportive space to explore these patterns and understand why people-pleasing might feel so compelling. Reflecting on your boundaries, values, and decision-making processes can help you start prioritizing your own needs. Over time, you can learn to say “no” when necessary, without guilt, and build the self-confidence to align your actions with your true self.

Your Authenticity Is Your Power

Breaking free from people-pleasing doesn’t mean rejecting connection or tradition. It means choosing them with intention. When you slow down, reflect, and honor your own values, you’ll discover a sense of peace and clarity that people-pleasing can never offer.

Your authenticity will take you places where people-pleasing never will.

Welcome to My Therapy Space

Welcome.

If you’ve found your way here, I invite you to take a moment to settle in, breathe, and explore what self-healing can look like amidst the hustle and pace of New York City.

As both a human navigating this complex world and a therapist dedicated to guiding others, I often reflect on the challenges we face in this fast-paced urban life. Here, I’ll share insights from my experience—some wisdom, the latest from brain science, and reflections on what it means to be alive in this moment in history. My hope is that something within these words will resonate with you, offering an invitation to slow down, to reconnect with yourself, and to be fully present in the here and now.

This blog is meant to be a space where you can pause, reflect, and find a moment of peace. Maybe it happens through an image, word, or a shared experience. I hope it offers nourishment for your journey. It’s a place to reconnect with yourself amidst the noise, and perhaps even to feel more grounded in yourself.

And maybe, as you look up at the big city sky, may you be reminded that you’re not alone in the world—we are all navigating it together.

Take your time here, and hope you find what you need, when you need it. with care.