On Trust in Therapy

In therapy, trust is often emphasized as essential. But like many meaningful relationships, it usually develops gradually rather than appearing at the beginning.

While trust is relational and built over time, fear is primal and occurs instantly. When someone has been let down repeatedly, the mind often learns to anticipate disappointment before a relationship even has a chance to form.

When disappointment has occurred frequently, trusting another person may be more difficult. That does not mean it is impossible. Many people are led to believe that a difficult childhood negatively impacts the development of trust. While that is partially true, fear of being let down may be a bigger barrier than trust itself.

Over the years, it has become clear that people open up in therapy when they feel deeply understood. One way this understanding develops is through presence. Attention is given not only to what is spoken, but also to the unspoken and unprocessed patterns and emotions that exist beneath verbal communication.

A psychodynamic approach focuses on understanding where someone has been and how those experiences may contribute to how they think, what they do, and the choices they make. The reasons behind doing or not doing something often have purpose and meaning. For example, someone may repeatedly choose the same type of partner. Over time, the familiarity of that pattern can become something that is implicitly trusted, even more than one’s own judgment. In other situations, it may appear as hesitation, withdrawal, or difficulty believing that something different is possible.

When those reasons begin to make sense and the past connects with the present, experiences that once felt confusing often become clearer. Trust begins to emerge when something finally feels true. In those moments, something within settles. When there is room to move at one’s own pace, a trusting relationship can begin to develop.