I’m a Therapist in New York and I Believe Netflix’s “My Lover, My Killer” Misses the Most Important Truth About Domestic Violence

Trigger Warning: This article contains mentions of domestic violence, abuse, and related matter.

I watched Netflix’s My Lover, My Killer with a mix of professional curiosity and frustration. Even the title, with its blend of aggression and sexuality, points to primal forces, yet the series never fully explores the deeper psychological landscape of either the perpetrator or the victim. Instead, it moves quickly through these tragedies, using interviews with loved ones to piece together the story of each doomed relationship, but for the most part scratches the surface of how the events lead to a disastrous end.

The most important question the series leaves unanswered is this: What do we need to know to keep young women safe? From my perspective, how we understand these situations can change how we respond to them.

I found myself wondering why the series did not explore more deeply the dynamics that hold victims back from leaving. While the show mentions that these women made attempts to leave, there are crucial moments when they ultimately do not. As the series suggests, perhaps the perpetrator makes threats or escalates aggression. But we are left to wonder whether she shuts down in those moments. Does she feel terror that keeps her dangerously stuck?

These moments are pivotal. They are often the ones that lead to a decision to stay. In my work, I have learned that moments like these are often misunderstood, yet they hold valuable information about how abuse unfolds and why it is so difficult to leave.

Each episode of My Lover, My Killer follows one family’s story from beginning to end. That approach matters because it shows how the situation unfolded and how events built on one another over time. The series captures the shifts that occur within a relationship and how they accumulate into devastating outcomes. Focusing on a single family also shows how people around the situation respond at different moments and how their understanding changes as events progress. I believe that following one family more closely could help illuminate how relationships change over time and how abuse develops step by step.

What could add even more depth is exploring specific points within that unfolding story in greater detail. Looking more closely at how certain events connect, or how decisions are shaped by circumstances, could offer viewers a fuller picture of the sequence that leads to tragedy. That kind of focus would build on what the series already does, without changing its structure.

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of My Lover, My Killer is watching the parents who are left behind. They recount conversations. Many parents express how helpless they felt over time. Some are shown blindsided and utterly devastated, while others observed early signs that something was not right. The series hints at a gap between what families knew and what was actually happening. It is difficult for loved ones to make sense of what is happening, and it can be challenging for details to become more evident even in hindsight.

As a therapist of more than twenty years, I have learned that no two situations are the same, but domestic violence tends to follow a progressive trajectory. A series like My Lover, My Killer brings important attention to these tragedies. I believe stories like this can spark important conversations about domestic abuse. But there is also a need for stories that open space for conversations to support the families of victims.

This is where the series format holds real potential. By staying with one family’s story, it can trace how patterns emerge over time and how those involved make sense of what is happening around them. A deeper exploration of those patterns could help viewers see how abuse develops gradually, how context matters, and how even small details can lead to something dangerous. Presenting that fuller sequence could educate the public and build understanding of how abuse affects everyone.

Stories like these have the power to raise awareness and help people notice patterns they might otherwise miss. They remind us that behind every moment is a series of decisions.

If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic abuse, help is available. In the United States, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or chat online at thehotline.org. Support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.