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Anger and Angry Relationships

By February 13, 2016 April 29th, 2016 High-Conflict Divorce Counseling

The other day, my client came into the office and she said: “I threw my life away with my husband,” a woman sobbed, as she talked of her story about anger. “I was not myself. I felt so enraged, filled with emotion, that I would say the most horrid things. I would tell him, ‘I hope you get hit by a car and die.’ I just wanted his attention. He would travel for business and when he came home, he would just crash in front of the television. What a life, I thought. I never really thought about the words I was saying. At first he ignored me. Later, he shot back at me. Then he left me. I never realized it. I just could not stop myself. If I could, I would have seen myself. I now know how bad I felt inside. I wanted him to notice me. I wanted him to love me.

If you have been here, you know how desperate this feels. It feels like the walls are caving in and there is no saving you. Trying to think of work or other things can be just too much. Situation such as this can have you so absorbed in the worry that trying to function can be a task.

How do you get your mind from spinning out of control, and not thinking about the low moments and reacting to the pain of the relationship? First, ask yourself if pain is healthy for you? Most people will respond with an immediate “no”. But, really, slow down and ask yourself if you feel you need to endure pain in your relationship?

After all, you are enduring pain if your relationship has endless circular arguments, often reacting in ways which continue the cycle.

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but you have made room for this pain, by not changing it.  After sometime most people don’t realize the dissatisfaction they have and go on with the daily grind, until it is unbearable. Recognize it now. Do something today.

Your reaction is a merely a statement about your disapproval. That disapproval can be intense. Consider your reaction as a way of pleading your case, demanding your case, forcing your case onto the other person.  Which one are you doing? Is it working for your best interest?