Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.
Remember your first date?
With just the right elements of sexual tension and engaging conversation, you were excited to get to know her. A second date led to deeper conversation, sexual intrigue, and fun. As time went on, you were drawn into a relationship. And you noticed signs of trouble.
You were going to a local restaurant for dinner. Upon arriving, you were surprised to see an old girlfriend from high school. Introducing your new partner, you greeted her with a hug and chatted for a few minutes. As the evening progressed, you noticed the air had changed. There were one word answers with long periods of silence. As you queried, you were accused, chastised, and attacked about “having feelings” for a woman you dated over twenty years ago. After of few such incidents, you ended the relationship. Fast forward: after a few weeks of the break-up, you received a teary sounding voice message–apologies, promises, and her desire to seek with therapy. Within weeks, you were together again.
Clients often say:“Despite the Red Flags, I Stayed…”
When you are manipulated from the inside out, it next to impossible to leave. You might feel the hooks of control but not know how to recover from removing them. Instead, you are on a constant spin cycle, not knowing what to do next. The truth is she is likely to have cluster of traits which fall in the realm of what is referred to as a personality disorder. Unfortunately, such a woman (or man) use a host of tactics (consciously or unconsciously) to keep a hold on and over their partner.
Begin to ask yourself: Am I confusing excitement for emotional volatility? Excitement can be thrilling and safe. On the other hand, volatile relationships are filled with arguments, escalation, and ranting fits. These are followed by accusations, crying spells, and remorse. This emotional drama can drive you “crazy.” It can quickly lead to emotional blackmail and other forms of angry, abusive behavior. Are you second guessing yourself? It’s time to put an end to your suffering.
I provide confidential consultation, coaching, and counseling services to help individuals resolve relationship issues via phone, Skype, and in the Denver area office. My style is direct, practical, and reality based to create lasting results.